Communication is 24/7 around us. Your communication skills have a profound impact on the quality of your life. It is essential to communicate clearly and limit the amount of noise.
The main communication principles (self-invented list)
communicate clearly
prevent doubting/ unclear words or sentences (these make you an unsure and doubting person)
“normally”; this is a black-and-white story, and there is no space for gray here. by using the word normally, we come over as unsure; people will associate you more with a doubting person
“it should be”;
“if it is okay for you, then ...”; we may say this out of politeness but people will associate you with being timid
“euh ... maybe”
“I thiiink ...”
“I don’t know euh ... “open communication. you should not be an open book and say everything to everyone either. But a minimum of open and clear communication creates less noise, and people will appreciate it
NEVER EVER make promises you know you can not fulfill
address people by name!! try to remember people's names and repeat them a lot.
show interest in people and what they are saying (even when you don’t care about their story); people will appreciate it when you listen. Also, encourage people to talk about themselves
following point 6; talk about the interest of the other person
tell what you really think (a bit in line with number 3; open communication)
nonverbal communication: this encompasses many things, such as how you dress, act, behave, your attitude, eye contact, etc. . Do not cross your arms as this creates a closed and uninterested attitude
be real and authentic
tell what you really think (in a friendly way)
never tell the other person that he/she is wrong. use constructive criticism
place yourself diagonally across the other person. It is natural to look out in front of you. If you do so, you don’t have to have eye contact the whole time, and looking out in front of you is not necessarily impolite. It is easier to look away.
use the right distance for the conversation
the environment plays a huge role in how to behave. If you are for example at a restaurant, don’t constantly look away as it gives an uninterested look
there is no truth. my reality is not your reality
Training yourself
You can train your communication skills all the time. Force yourself not to run away from the conversations you want to have but to seek them actively. Some conversations flow naturally, while others are disasters. Reflect on your conversations. Ask yourself, “What could I have done better?” " Is there noise on the line?” " Is my message clear?” etc.
Start a conversation: communication flows graph
Saying hi 👋 is the first part of communication.
Taking initiative is important. If you wait for the other person to take the initiative you will wait a lifetime for something that never comes.
Most conversations begin with small talk and can lead to longer discussions on other topics.
Topics to start and keep a conversation flowing
After saying hi and having a short conversation opener (small talk), you need a “real topic” to discuss. There are many speaking cards and lists on the internet with topics to discuss. It all depends on the situation you’re in. The topic must feel natural in the context you are in. Starting a first “follow-up” about sports is natural in the gym. Nevertheless, here are some topics: weather, sports, work, career, the weekend, food, restaurants, clothing, events, places to go, travel, music, cooking, pets, culture, pets, routines, books, people, news, hobbies, movies, etc.
A phone can be an interesting instrument to keep a conversation flowing. Show the other pictures of your holiday or pet or whatever you saw on TikTok.
Repeated conversations
The first time you have a conversation with a stranger can be challenging to find topics of interest to keep the conversation flowing. The second or more time you see the person, you must already know some topics you could discuss. This doesn't make it easier if you aren’t a great talker like me. You probably already told your story once, but you can not repeat “that you have a sister, a dog and live in Brooklyn” every time. The other person already knows. Keeping the conversation interesting over longer periods of time is a challenge. You can talk about the same topics as last time, but you should prevent falling into repeat and talking about the same things. Most of the time, we talk about updates since our last conversation (a new event in the company, a new update to the project at work, a friend who did something, etc.). Diving into new topics is an option, but you will eventually reach ‘the end of topics.’
A random thought: It would be interesting to have an AI microphone that anonymously (impossible to do so anonymously as you can automatically connect certain topics to certain people, but it is just a drop of a random thought) and securely processes conversations in the walkways or coffee rooms of a company/gym/store/ .... to analyze the topics and sentiments being discussed and felt. I know that companies are already working on this (especially by analyzing Slack messages for example). One that generates an image like below. It is interesting data for a communication expert.
src img: reasearchgate
Personal space
use the right distance for the conversation
src img: desingobserver
Try to talk at the same height (if possible), or maybe slightly above if you are in a leading position (teacher, boss, etc.) by having a bigger chair for example.
Noise on the line
Clear communication from the sender is crucial to receiving your message...
